Cultivating aloneness and overcoming fear

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with

the Lord. Scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In

each, I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were

two sets of footprints; other times there was only one.

During the low periods of my life I could see only one set of

footprints, so I said, “You promised me, Lord, that you would

walk with me always. Why, when I have needed you most,

have you not been there for me?”

The Lord replied, “The times when you have seen only one set

of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”

Mary Stevenson

When he found himself in captivity in the late 80’s in Beirut, Terry Waite said that he didn’t allow himself to get sentimental (thinking how he could have been better) or into a state of self-pity. He survived four years in solitary confinement.

Whatever has led to a moment of aloneness, through personal choice or perhaps the actions of others, it may feel like solitary confinement. How, like Terry Waite, can we learn to cultivate aloneness in these times? How can we overcome intense fear?

First, what leads to aloneness?

Lots ……..

Loss of innocence, lack of love, seeing through, unrequited love, running and realising no-one is following, realising you cannot run any longer, losing faith in people, losing faith in all people, losing faith in humanity …… losing faith.

Basically, life. Reality.

Life events (some painful) are natural, losing faith in these times can be natural too. It’s the fearful thoughts and unnecessary pain these thoughts cause which can be a problem. Mostly, believing fearful thoughts to be true.

Meeting this fear with intense presence or in the company of someone with intense presence can transform these experiences. Until the deep realisation occurs that we are never alone.

What I can say with sincerity is in these moments, I have had unexpected phone calls, inspiration, ideas, guidance, visions, realisations, break-throughs and awakenings.

Why is it happening?

I strongly believe (and it has been my experience) that each moment of aloneness, some fleeting, some lengthy is for a particular reason.

This is not a Pollyanna viewpoint or an attempt at false positivity, for some of these experiences have been deeply painful.

But I have learned there are no mistakes, no accidents.

If alone, there’s a reason.

In the beautiful words of Rumi, the famous mystic and poet “whenever you are alone, remind yourself that God has sent everyone else away so that there is only you and Him”. Finding these words at a time when needed changed my view of being alone, met with much less fear anyway.

Rumi was deeply rooted, and his beauty emerged from much heart ache.

When met without fear, aloneness becomes a space for thinking, reflection, learning and growing to take place.

Most importantly it’s in this space that faith is cultivated. Faith in something greater than ourselves.

Challenging fearful thinking

Complex emotional and psychological issues cannot be resolved in quick tips. Healing takes time. Some suggested places to start:

• Understand psychological approaches can be helpful to a certain extent but are limited. Instead go further and experience growth. This goes beyond the mind and intellect and is not about changing yourself or resilience/powering through. Growth is holistic (mind, body and spirit) and is deeply rooted in ancient cultures/traditions.

• Awareness of the mind/body connection - for years I was unaware that trauma/addictions were driving my erratic behaviour. I then learned just how physical trauma is, how we store memory physically, in the body. It is my belief if this was widely understood, there would be far less attempt to explain emotions and behaviours through psychological labelling/diagnoses. See The Key to Mental Health for more information.

• Learn to communicate – open and direct. Sounds simple, right? Try it and see how fearful you and others around you become. Hello, drama and reactions. Wearing social masks is the normal now. Being open and direct with those who don’t want it, will likely lead to more periods of aloneness, be prepared. Keep this article to hand. On the plus side you will unlikely feel lonely.

  
  

Most importantly,

As someone who has loved and lost, I would like to share something important with you. Each person who leaves us either through the ending of a relationship or in death, gives us something. I have been gifted an appreciation for history, money, a book, god, people. So, in that respect we don’t lose anything. How beautiful. Painful to let go yes, but beautiful all the same.

And those troublesome relationships, with many endings. The gift that keeps on giving ….

A must watch is the story of Alison Botha, the South African lady who was abducted, raped and viciously attacked. Not sure if you have a more alone experience!

Alison said she felt like she was lifted (not walked) to a nearby road. She was holding her insides in her hands, she was that badly injured.

A spiritual experience for sure. The pain Alison had to overcome for the many years that followed is not to be overlooked. Yet, despite this Alison was miraculously gifted a family, two boys, a new business, a speaking career, an ability to inspire and lift others.

Through his experience of ultimate aloneness, Terry Waite was able to cultivate the mind, imagination, language and music. Through this mastery he was able to continue to be of service after his release, authoring multiple books and continuing his mission of peace.

Next time when facing aloneness, cultivate, overcome the fear, ask what’s waiting to be shown. Realise silence speaks. May you learn you are never alone.

And may this find you when needed.

Download FREE chapter from The Key to Mental Health, click "Finding and Fulfilling Your Life's Direction"