The #1 Skill for Growth - Stop Learning, Start Unlearning

“Recognise that unlearning is the highest form of learning” Rumi

After meeting my teacher, I experienced awakenings quickly and often.  I don’t claim to be special, quite the opposite.  I was told it happened because of my lack of knowledge.

At talks, people would show up, especially the intellectuals and quote deeply spiritual texts or work of non-dual teachers.  I honestly had no clue what they were talking about.

Up until this point I had been an avid reader in psychology/self-help.  I soon realised reading about life does not mean you are living life similarly the people (mentioned above) quoting spirituality where not experiencing it.

How do you go beyond learning to see clearly?

Herein lies the paradox.

Learning and development two words used together, especially in the business world.

Learning implies to gain something, to acquire.  Development (growth) if understood means the opposite – a release, letting go and sometimes a death of identity.

Ancient tribal cultures understood this, Arnold Van Gennep who coined the term rights of passage explains the history of these cultures and how they managed life changes e.g. in adolescence kids were taken to the wilderness and left for a time, the outer reflecting the inner experience, returning as adults. Read more ... The Key to Mental Health.

Society now has no appreciation of this natural process and therefore assumes development and growth is ‘more’.  This 'more' is a great foundation for a capitalist/materialistic culture.

In its extreme form, just look at the deep narcissism and corruption in business and politics … I won’t name names :)

In history, whenever the imbalance of power becomes extreme the oppressed fight back.  We are starting to see it now with Gen Z protests in Peru, Nepal, Morocco, Madagascar.

Subtle shifts too, you know things are changing when Madonna gives an interview, publicly speaking about her spiritual path.    

How did we get here?

We are seeing the uprising, where leadership is not as strong as their team or customers! Disney being forced to overturn decision to sack Jimmy Kimmel.

Looking at the superficial methods for developing leaders, this is no great surprise. 

You would think to be a learning and development professional or a counsellor/therapist you would know about the natural process of growth/development but it’s simply not the case.

Most learning programmes, courses, training are mind made concepts/solutions. 

Someone cannot give what they don’t understand or have.

I realised some time ago traditional methods of leadership development are done! Leadership behaviour/competency frameworks are driving the most superficial type of leader.

Just check engagement scores!

All at a time when great leadership is needed. A time when innovation, creativity and entrepreneurship (with ethics) is crucial for our survival.

How can we learn to unlearn?

1. Motivation for development/growth – why would we want to?  Since the process is not easy or even understood by many, why bother?  It has to start with a desire/dream placed within each and every one of us.  If we are to get past imposed (including self imposed) beliefs/limitations we need to know where we are going.  If the drive/vision is not coming from within, there won't be enough energy to bring it forward. 

2. Experience true growth.  Going past conditioning from parents, peers, society is rare.  Learning to navigate through this natural process is a life skill. See The Key to Mental Health.

3. Do not engage with any superficial development programmes.

4. Invest in people programmes that are authentic, that require deep listening, contemplation/reflection, accountability, responsibility and integration.

5. Enjoy! once experiencing this creative way of being, you will be living and building new. 

Some thoughts:

• I have found skills development is enhanced this way - more efficient.

• Growth shifts from thinking, talking, reading about life to actually living and doing.

• The ability to self-reflect, admit mistakes and say sorry is a much-needed skill to live this way (something toxic leaders struggle to do).

• To embrace AI ethically and constructively, we need more who have gone beyond knowledge and concepts to help us see how to use in a collaborative way. 

So, here’s to clear seeing, to growth, to unlearning.

May we all live and experience. 

Download FREE chapter from The Key to Mental Health, click "Finding and Fulfilling Your Life's Direction"